Book Chapter 4

 Chapter 4 Fellowship – ‘See how these Christians love one another’

In those distant days of the formation of Methodism people banded together to ‘flee from the wrath to come’. We have all heard the stories of the class meeting where people were accountable to each other. It was there that the seeds of renewal of church community were sown. It was in fact only the rediscovery of the life of the early church as witnessed in scripture, and what has been the constant renewal of the church down the centuries that was taking place in Methodism.

My experience teaches me that here still lies the hope for the future re creation of church community.  We may choose to call them Fellowship groups, house groups, cells, or home groups or whatever. But sharing, learning and growing as disciples happens well in such groups. Small groups! In other words, everybody teaching each other, for all are the body of Christ with something to share. I have learnt and been changed the most by such groups.

       Into the manse came about ten faithful individuals for the ‘minister led’ bible study that I had inherited. When completed they declined tea and coffee and filed out claiming to have had a good time. I’m glad they had because for me it was a miserable and fruitless time. They wanted a bible study where they were told information and felt they had been good Methodists. One of those interminable bible studies where you go through a book blow by blow, word by word, as if the very word ‘the’ had deep profound meaning. I have sat in such meetings myself and withered away within.  

So there was clearly a problem for me as minister with this group. I did not feel I could just sit and pontificate because that was not me, nor did I see myself as the oracle. So from the earliest of days it became a question of what was the purpose of the group that met in the manse? 

Some years later, when to get everyone in the front room, people had to sit around the outside and create a circle within that , and not only did they stay for refreshments but you had to drop big hints about going, you knew something had really changed. Thank God! 

Following that first encounter I determined I was not going to lead a ‘bible study’ rather we were going to meet in fellowship to build our friendship in Christ as it were to create community ‘To be Christ’s community.’ This would mean sharing our stories, sharing in worship, looking at scripture, exploring world issues and just sitting together drinking tea and coffee without feeling it was a business meeting from which you rushed away. This approach changed the dynamics of the group and as a consequence the group grew. It saw young and old able to meet together and form a fellowship that is not possible on a Sunday morning. It was in my view one of the key factors for the growth at my first main church in Cambridgeshire. It was in this group we tried different songs for worship, different liturgies for worship, and a place where people wrote their own material which could then be used in worship by them.  Of course I often introduced material as the starter, but to avoid me always talking, we broke the group up into smaller groups around the house, setting tasks which they then came back and shared with the whole group. My role then became one who enabled others to learn as they taught each other, and at the same time I could keep an eye on developments guiding where necessary.

 Then, as now, l believe small groups meeting in this way can be the life blood of a growing church community. But how often should they meet in the light of peoples busy lives?

In my experience groups that meet once a month suffer from their infrequenc and can just be a nice social group. One meeting a month means that if you miss one it can be at least two months before you see folks again; if following a book or set of material you lose the thread and continuity goes. I have found that once a fortnight works well as it gets round the problem of missing a session and there being a long gap in between. If following set material it means you can quickly pick it up again. I would want to state that meeting once a fortnight means you are prepared to make a commitment to others; to fellowship in a way that the monthly meeting does not call for. By not meeting weekly it does not add extra strain to getting other things done in life, be it family time or other church events. This is an important balance to be struck. We do not want to create lovely holy huddles where Christians spend all their time together but never engaging with the world. Equally we need time together to encourage and nurture ourselves in our faith so we can engage with confidence a world that does want to explore faith.

I have found as a minister it’s been invaluable to be a part of such a group because you learn so much about yourself, others and eventually you do feel more one of them than just being the minister. 

In terms of what you study you do have access to material and time to prepare that others don’t. But it’s important to get others to lead from time to time, and from time to time not to attend. Trying not to create a dependency upon you is important but we all have to recognise that who we are is part of the way God works to draw folk together. 

Getting new people into the faith community

A lot of my involvement with the wider community has been a no strings attached approach which not everyone in church life would agree with. In my view we do our work in youth clubs, parent & toddler groups, run lunch clubs etc because there is a need to be met. The Love of Christ underpins our work but we do not promote it so we can get bums on seats. If we did that, it would lack integrity for me.

 There is though a place, and must be a place, where we are up front telling people we have something about faith we would like to share and explore with them. This then is an expression of evangelism in its truest meaning, and not the hijacked Evangelism of some Evangelicals currently in the Christian church. Our worship, our preaching, and courses such as Alpha, Emmaus and others have offered this opportunity. But which tool are you going to use to introduce people to the Christian faith? In my opinion there is nothing on the market that fits exactly my Christian world view. It’s not likely to fit yours either, unless you are stuck in a box, but unless we all keep writing our own courses we do need to draw upon the  materials of others. 

So I ask. What is the purpose of the group or course that I want to run? And then ‘Is there a tool that can help in that process? 

The need to re-explore the basics of the Christian faith with a congregation was the starting point for my use of the Alpha course. Early on in the life at one particular church I preached a sermon on the person of Christ being both, divine and human, fairly safe and normal you would think. I was, but shouldn’t have been, surprised by the comments from a long standing church member who said in effect ‘I didn’t realise Jesus was God! So it’s always important to revisit basic tenets of faith. The need then was to explore the basics with the general congregation and use it as an opportunity to open it up to outsiders. That process saw us initially meeting at church for the first couple of courses. We identified group leaders, running them through the material, and we did it all properly and faithfully. We started with a meal, used the videos for the bulk of the sessions and then concluded with the group discussions. The theology of Alpha didn’t quite fit the congregation I was serving, but nonetheless it was a profitable time and led to the formation of a new house group. We ran the course a second time at church and though not so many attended it was still a good experience. 

      We then shifted direction for two reasons. Having sent two members to an Alpha conference it was reported back that meeting in homes was more effective as a tool in outreach so we decided we would follow that pattern. Secondly it became apparent that although the videos were good, and we had used them quite heavily, there is still nothing like the witness of an individual leading the course and giving the talks.  I indicated that the theology did not quite fit the congregation, well nor did it fit the minister, me. The move into a church member’s home was not only a great success, but gave greater freedom in using the material. The pattern we created was for others to invite people to the course, while as minister I would deliver the topics and lead the discussion with a couple of members present to help enable the group work. The great thing about this is that church members are challenged to bring someone along no strings attached. The meal is a great relaxer and it means people get to see you the minister in a different light and talking about a range of topics. I believe it makes you real to others. 

    I have always sought to stay faithful to the scheme of topics in the alpha course, but inevitably you bring to bear your own insights, experiences and theology. I can thank God that every course that ran in a home led to new people coming into the life of the church; many became members and took up responsibilities. I believe it’s a combination of the format of the course, the personal nature that you bring to it, the need for other church members to be involved that makes it happen, and oh yes God the Holy Spirit at work. For me it’s not Alpha or Emmaus or another course, rather it’s making the space for people to ask questions in a safe way.

        It is of course important when following such courses to build on them. Sometimes it’s a challenge to church membership/confirmation, but most definitely nurturing of faith is vital in following up a course. The need to recreate the fellowship of the group is essential to that nurturing. To that end getting them into a house group is vital, otherwise they can so easily fall away, but be prepared, some will always fall away and you have to learn to live with that.

So we return to the place of the house group.

Clearly you cannot be in leadership of all the groups so you have to identify the right people for such a task and it won’t always work out. In my first appointment at my main church because the group grew so large we took the risk of splitting into two. New people offered their homes to host and leaders were identified. One group worked well the other did not, mainly because of the leadership. 

There are lots of books on the market about group dynamics and running groups. They are on the whole useful and worth a read. I just want to make a few obvious comments and pointers that I feel hold true in all the groups I have been part of and led.

• Lay out of the room and setting the scene is important. 
• In most people’s front rooms you can create a circle to avoid the you and them situation. 
• You may want to have some gentle music playing as people arrive so it avoids that awkward silence following the usual pleasantries. 
• Be aware of where you sit in relation to other people. If someone tends to dominate the group don’t sit opposite them otherwise its hard work controlling them as they always catch your eye and gain permission to speak. 
• Observe for those who say little and invite them to share a view, they will usually have something worthwhile to contribute, but they are not pushy. 
• Be aware of how new people change the dynamics of a group and how people can resent this. New people keep a group fresh and on its toes. 

In one particular group, that had been a small one initially, and had met for some time made up by people well grounded in their faith, a new influx of members joined as a result of an Alpha course. At first it was just new people, but as the new folk gained in confidence one or two of the existing members became quieter, and I believe irritable that we were going over such basic stuff. Now some may say you need to keep the two groups apart, but I believe that by mixing them we saw greater growth through the challenge to each other. 

     For a start, could people really explain to others what they claimed to believe and understand?  It was good for new folk to hear from someone, not the minister, about the faith and be challenged. For me this is what it’s about in being Christ’s community learning from and teaching each other. 

• Now it may seem obvious but you do need to start with prayer or some form of worship. It may be using an Iona liturgy, pausing in the middle for the discussion and concluding with the rest of the liturgy. 
• Refreshments are an essential part of the group, mind you in, this day and age it’s getting harder, you almost need a menu because its White Coffee, black coffee, decaffeinated white coffee, decaffeinated, black coffee, tea, decaffeinated tea, water, hot water, juice oh and does anyone take sugar? Handing round the biscuits is easy, unless they have a peanut allergy!! Oh and yes it will all be fair trade!
• Food is important. A meal at the end of each term say just before Christmas, Easter and the summer break (I have always had a break through the summer). Get them to bring the food and drink by making it a faith meal. You always have too much and it’s always good fun. Alcohol is okay, but make sure there is an alternative, after all many will have driven to the meeting.
• You can of course go out together occasionally for a meal or to the theatre but just beware the group does not become a social group. 
• Keeping the group alive I believe is determined by new people joining the group. Some house groups become stale precisely because no one new joins it to mess up the dynamics and to raise the awkward questions. So everyone knows what everyone else is going to say. Running some kind of Alpha course, and membership/confirmation course provides opportunity to direct people to a group, so keeping it on its toes, fresh and relevant.
• Such groups are great to try out new things even speed evangelism! One evening we took the pattern of speed dating and everyone had to spend about three minutes talking to each other, asking questions about faith of each other, sharing and then moving on. The noise level was amazing, the buzz exhilarating, everyone participated and sharing really happened, and surprise, surprise everyone had something to say and could share on a one to one basis.

If I was being honest I can think of two house groups I have been part of, and have wished they were the church. In a real sense of course they were. They were mixed ages; they tried different worship styles, broke bread and wine together and explored the faith. They also kept a pastoral eye on each other and surprise, surprise they grew.

    Sadly within my own tradition a very small percentage of a congregation meet for such fellowship and then they wonder why they are not growing.

Being part of such groups is not always easy and if they meet in your home it can be hard work. You have to get the front room clean and tidy, but then it does make you clear up! Be aware that people’s health can affect your furniture. We had one lady who suffered with mild incontinence and if she coughed your settee knew it. So a simple precaution of laying a sheet or blanket down first helped with the need to keep washing the cushion covers. If you do have access to a number of rooms it can be a great way of breaking the group up further to look at material, to write sketches and it means you get other people into positions of leadership, but you will need to make sure the other rooms are in a fit state to be used.

The Bible!

So where does Bible Study fit in? Some church folk and churches would feel without a bible study you haven’t got a church. Knowledge of scripture is clearly important for a Christian and there are churches that have specific bible study groups. I believe there is a place for such groups, and some ministers and lay folk are excellent at running them. I have run them in my time, but they tend to be short courses looking at a particular book. I might offer to run a group for say six weeks looking at a particular topic.

     I am not however the sort who likes to ‘teach’ the bible and cannot stand the blow by blow study that takes you through word by word as I wrote earlier. It’s dull uninspiring and in fact not very accurate.

      I once had a woman who was always demanding of me that I should run such a group, as if without it the church was not the church. When to partly appease her I planned a short term group she of course couldn’t make it, and surprise, surprise, nobody else wanted it either. 

    Personally I feel bible study needs to be taking place in a living context, after all that’s where it has come out of. So it has a real place within the house group structure. It gives it a context and clearer purpose. So for example you can take a couple of the prophets Hosea and Amos, easily putting together material for two or three sessions on each, and run them within the house group drawing out their relevance for today. 

    You can of course seek to link worship and house group by following a theme that is being explored in the Sunday services, obvious opportunities being Advent and Lent, and of course they are underpinned biblically. The advantage of looking at material in a house group is that they can create material for worship which others can then offer in worship. So it becomes the work of the whole people of God, ‘the Liturgy’ not just you. So sketches are created, new psalms are written, prayers are offered and the creative living Word of God continues to be at work.

Finally do be aware that any group can become a clique who propagate their own theology and can work against what the whole church is trying to do.